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You didn’t wake up one day and decide, “Today, I’m going to shrink myself to fit into someone else’s life.” The longing to feel loved doesn’t announce itself loudly. It creeps in quietly, convincing you to compromise bit by bit until you’re left wondering: Who am I anymore?
It starts small. You begin expecting less, getting used to the disappointments, and asking for less, until one day you realize you’ve become voiceless. That realization hits hard. You thought you were “keeping the peace” or being “understanding,” but really, you were erasing yourself. Every time you stayed silent about something that bothered you, ignored your own needs, or avoided asserting boundaries, you were slowly losing touch with the person you are meant to be.
Love shouldn’t feel like a battle for your worth. But when you find yourself chasing validation, relationships can start to feel like uphill climbs where you’re doing all the work. I see you. I see the exhaustion of trying to make something work—feeling like you’re the only one holding it all together while the other person seems unaffected, as if the whirlwind around you is nothing but a gentle breeze.
When we overextend ourselves for love, we convince ourselves that if we just hold on a little longer, give a little more, or tolerate a little more, they’ll finally see our worth. But the truth? The kind of love that’s worth having doesn’t require you to beg, shrink, or fight for it.
Let me say this clearly: you didn’t choose this. None of us did. It’s often a product of wounds we didn’t realize we carried. Maybe you grew up watching people in your life settle for less, shrink themselves, or cling to love that wasn’t reciprocal. Maybe you learned that love had to be earned, that being chosen came at the cost of your own boundaries. This longing isn’t something to be ashamed of—it’s something to understand. It’s a reflection of the love you didn’t receive, not the love you’re capable of giving or the love you deserve.
So, what now? How do you break free from the cycle of shrinking, over-investing, and settling? It starts with asking yourself some hard questions. Take a pen, find a quiet space, and journal on this: Where have I compromised my worth in the name of love?
As you write, let your honesty guide you. There’s no need to rush or judge yourself—just let the words flow. This is about giving yourself permission to see the parts of your story that need healing.
Love doesn’t require you to abandon yourself. Real love honors your boundaries, celebrates your voice, and makes room for all of you—not just the parts that are easy to love. Healing from overextending yourself for love starts with reclaiming your voice, your worth, and your power. You are so much more than what you’ve settled for, and you are worthy of a love that sees you, honors you, and holds space for all of you.
Grab your journal and reflect on a time when you compromised your needs or ignored your boundaries for the sake of love. Write about how it felt and how it impacted your sense of self. Then, explore what it would look like to prioritize your own needs moving forward. Healing doesn’t happen all at once—it happens one step, one reflection, one journal entry at a time.
If you’ve ever felt like you were giving too much to feel chosen, know this: you are not alone. So many of us have been there, holding on too tightly to relationships that didn’t deserve us. But here’s the good news: that longing doesn’t define your story. You do.
It’s time to take back your power, rewrite the narrative, and create a love story that starts with you.
I’d love to hear how this exercise feels for you. Leave a comment below, send in a picture of your journal entry, or share your thoughts, reflections, or any insights you’ve gained from this process. You can tag me on your social media posts using #TheJourneyling or email me directly at [email protected]. Let’s keep this conversation going — I’m here to celebrate every step of your journey.
